When is a secret not a secret?
“Addicts tend to live secret lives…. It is a great relief to get rid of all our secrets and
to share the burden of our past.”
Basic Text, p.32
We’ve heard it said that “we’re as sick as our secrets” What do we keep secret, and
why?
We keep secret those things that cause us shame. We may hold onto such things
because we don’t want to surrender them. Yet if they’re causing us shame, wouldn’t
we live more easily with ourselves if we were rid of them?
Some of us hold onto the things that cause us shame for another reason. It’s not
that we don’t want to be rid of them; we just don’t believe we can be rid of them.
They’ve plagued us for so long, and we’ve tried so many times to rid ourselves of
them, that we’ve stopped hoping for relief. Yet still they shame us, and still we keep
them secret.
We need to remember who we are: recovering addicts. We who tried so long to keep
our drug use a secret have found freedom from the obsession and compulsion to
use. Though many of us enjoyed using right to the end, we sought recovery anyway.
We just couldn’t stand the toll our using was taking on us. When we admitted our
powerlessness and sought help from others, the burden of our secret was lifted from
us.
The same principle applies to whatever secrets may burden us. Yes, we’re as sick as
our secrets. Only when our secrets stop being secret can we begin to find relief from
those things that cause us shame.
Just for today: My secrets can make me sick only as long as they stay secret. Today,
I will talk with my sponsor about my secrets.