Reservations
“Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our
program.”
Basic text,p.76
A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a reservation is
the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will surely relapse. What event
do we expect will be too painful to bear? Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover
leaves us, we will have to get high. If we lose our job, surely, we think, we will use.
Or maybe it’s the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable. In any case,
the reservations we harbor give us permission to use when they come true-as they
often do.
We can prepare ourselves for success instead of relapse by examining our
expectations and alerting them where we can. Most of us carry within us a catalog of
anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can learn how to survive pain my
watching other members live through similar pain. We can apply their lessons to our
own expectations. Instead of telling ourselves we will have to get high if this
happens, we can quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through
whatever life brings us today.
Just for today: I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and
share them with another addict.