Secrets and intimacy
“We feared that if we ever revealed ourselves as we were, we would surely be
rejected.”
Basic Text, p.31
Raving relationships without barriers, ones in which we can be entirely open with our
feelings, is something many of us desire. At the same time, the possibility of such
intimacy causes us more fear than almost any other situation in life.
If we examine what frightens us, we’ll usually find that we are attempting to hide an
aspect of our personalities that we are ashamed of, an aspect we sometimes haven’t
even admitted to ourselves. We don’t want others to know of our insecurities, our
pain, or our neediness, so we simply refuse to expose them. We may imagine that if
no one knows about our imperfections, those imperfections will cease to exist.
This is the point where our relationships stop. Anyone who enters our lives will not
get past the point at which our secrets begin. To maintain intimacy in a relationship,
it is essential that we acknowledge our defects and accept them. When we do, the
fortress of denial, erected to keep these things hidden, will come crashing down,
enabling us to build up our relationships with others.
Just for today: I have opportunities to share my inner self. I will take advantage of
those opportunities and draw closer to those I love.