Amends and sponsors
“We want to be free of our guilt, but we don’t wish to do so at the expense of anyone
else.”
Basic Text, p.39
Let’s face it: Most of us left trails of destruction in our wakes and harmed anyone
who got in our way. Some of the people we hurt most in our addiction were the
people we loved most. In an effort to purge ourselves of the guilt we feel for what
we’ve done, we may be tempted to share with our loved ones, in gruesome detail,
things that are better left unsaid. Such disclosures could do much harm and may do
little good.
The Ninth Step is not about easing our guilty consciences; it’s about taking
responsibility for the wrongs we’ve done. In working our Eighth and Ninth Steps, we
should seek the guidance of our sponsor and amend our wrongs in a manner that
won’t cause us to owe more amends. We are not just seeking freedom from
remorse-we are seeking freedom from our defects. We never again want to inflict
harm on our loved ones. One way to insure that we do not is by working the Ninth
Step responsibly, checking our motives, and discussing with our sponsor the
particular amends we plan to make before we make them.
Just for today: I wish to accept responsibility for my actions before making any
amends, I will talk with my sponsor.