I’m sorry
“The main thing [the Eighth Step] does for us is to help build awareness that, little
by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other
people.”
Basic Text, p.38
To say “I’m sorry” probably isn’t such a foreign idea to most of us. In our active
addiction, it may have been a very familiar phrase. We were always telling people
how sorry we were, and were probably deeply surprised when someone, tired of our
meaningless apologies, responded with, “You sure are. In fact, you’re the sorriest
excuse for…” That may have been our first clue that an “I’m sorry” didn’t really
make any difference to those we harmed, especially when we both knew that we’d
just do the same thing again.
Many of us thought that making amends would be another “I’m sorry”. However, the
action we take in those steps is entirely different. Making amends means to make
changes and, above all, to make the situation right. If we stole money, we don’t just
say, “I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again now that I’m clean”. We pay the money back. If
we neglected or abused our families, we don’t just apologize. We begin to treat them
with respect.
Amending our behavior and the way we treat ourselves and others is the whole
purpose of working the steps. We’re no longer just “sorry”, we’re responsible.
Just for today: I accept responsibility for myself and my recovery. Today, I will
amend some particular thing I’m sorry for.